This was a milestone weekend for Christopher and me. It was the first weekend I was able to bring him home for more than just a few hours. Needless to say, being a first time dad I was worried about a million different things. I'd never given him a bath before. I didn't know how much he would wake up in the middle of the night. I didn't know what kind of mood he'd be in over the course of the day. How much would he eat? How much would I have to change his diapers?

All kinds of things were worrying me about the weekend. In the end, it was so much fun.

I think this weekend we really bonded more than we ever had before. The first night Christopher fell asleep at 8 p.m. and proceeded to wake up every hour until 7 a.m. His mother had texted me after she got off of work asking how he was doing and I said he'd already passed out and woken up once. She told me she usually walks him around for awhile or just pats and rubs his back.

Sure enough the next time he woke up I gave him a few sips of his bottle and he promptly turned to his side so I could pat his back. Within a minute of him waking up, he fell back asleep. Process was repeated every hour until he finally just woke up at 7. On the plus side of things, I'm a light sleeper so I was able to hear his cry and bolt up from the futon I decided to sleep on.  I wondered about when he woke up in the morning if he'd still have the same smile he did when he spent days without seeing me. He did. :)

My dad and stepmom decided to come down for a day to finally meet his 6-month-old grandson. It was a bittersweet visit. My feelings for my dad haven't exactly been joyous ones for awhile now and the fact he still hadn't met his only grandson in the six months since he was born really didn't spell a recipe for me being nice. But once he finally did arrive to my apartment it was like all of my disappointment disappeared and we were able to just live in the moment - as short as it was.

Usually Christopher cries with new people he meets - at least he has with me. He took one look at my best friend Kris and started contorting his face into a cry. My brother picked him up and he went crazy and bawled. When he met his grandpa he smiled and let my dad and my stepmom hold him. It was really awesome to watch him interact with his grandparents and not cry.

Eventually everything comes to an end and our weekend together soon did. I didn't really have anything planned because I wanted to get a feel for what it would be like taking care of him for the whole weekend. Even then, I wanted to hold on to him for longer. He fell asleep right before I took him to his grandma's house and when he woke up to see his grandma and aunt and cousins he started smiling and laughing. But what made our separation a little better was even after spending a whole weekend with just me, he woke up with family he hadn't seen in a few days and yet he still smiled and wanted me to hold him. When I left I sat in my car and cried because leaving him is the hardest thing I've ever experienced and I have to do it every other weekend.

Now my apartment feels empty. There are no cries. No laughter. No playing. No light breathing. I look around at reminders of him and I smell him throughout my entire apartment and it's so hard to know he's not with me for another two weeks. Two weeks of hell. One weekend of heaven. I could be upset, but at least I get to see him and be there for him. All I've ever wanted was to be a good dad and I hope he knows that.

Playing with his toys. 04.24.2012

It's been a year since I've posted on this blog, but in that year so many things have changed for me. I'm not just working or drawing or keeping up with the Texas Rangers. I'm trying to figure out how to be the best dad I can be to my son Christopher without being with his mom. I honestly never thought I'd ever help to conceive a child without the certainty that my child's mother would also be my wife. But that's not the hand we're dealt in life. Can't always have the picture perfect life or even anything close to what you imagined sometimes.

I saw my son today and just like every other day, when he sees me his eyes light up. Even with his mom and his two sisters around, it seems like sometimes he and I are the only ones in the room. The other day everyone was talking but he was looking me square in the eye and I told him how much I loved him and missed him; and although he's only 6 months old, I'm pretty sure he got the message. The second I told him that he smiled as if to say "Dad, I know you love me and I love you back."

I know this is out there for the whole wild world to see on the interwebs and whatnot, but I just feel like I need to chronicle my visits with my son and my thoughts and feelings so that one day when he grows up, he'll know how hard it was for me to be apart from him, but how I tried so hard to be there as often as I could. Tonight the Rangers (my favorite team) face the Yankees (Christopher's mom and sisters' favorite team) and I so wish I could take him with me but that'll come in time as well. Looking forward to that special Father's Day game when it'll be our first game together. There aren't many days I've looked forward to more.

Sub-Zero Drawing

My Articles Over the Years

Police Chief Questions Results of Racial Profiling Report 04/03/07 Lost Son a Story of "What Ifs?" 04/04/07 Family Copes With Loss of Son 04/05/07 Mother Released From Hospital 04/06/07 Interstate 20 Pileup 04/10/07 Clean Walking 04/12/07 Family Mum in Fatal Rollover 04/15/07 Keep Trash Off Texas 04/15/07 Looking Back at UT 04/17/07 UTPB Looks at Security 04/17/17 DPS: Mom Will Face Charges 04/20/07 Woman Loses Leg in Accident 04/20/07 Use the Force 04/25/07 Odessans Left High and Wet 05/03/07 Leg Loss Leads to Lifechange 05/08/07 Mom Charged in Fatal Rollover 05/10/07 Man Dies in Hit-and-Run 05/15/07 Honoring Fallen Brothers 05/16/07 Officials Honor 8-year-old Hero For Saving Mom 05/17/07 Standoff Ends 05/17/07 Three's Company at the Drive-in 05/21/07 COPS Don't Need No Stinkin' Badges 05/22/07 Running For Special Olympics 05/24/07 One Mission Accomplished 05/25/07 A Long Way From Mayberry 05/27/07 Memorial Day Remembrances 05/29/07 Bridging Communication 05/30/07 Good For Business 05/30/07 No Problemo For Firefighters 05/30/07 Fire Torches Home 05/31/07 Helping Children Survive 06/01/07 Gunfire Rattles Neighborhood 06/05/07 Strip Club Closed 06/07/07 Men's Club Frustrated 06/08/07 Another One Bites the Dust 06/09/07 Residents Feel the Burn 06/10/07 Running For Cepero 06/10/07 Agencies Identify Communications Problems 06/13/07 Mendoza Fired 06/13/07 'Spider' Back in Odessa 06/15/07 Fatal Accident 06/16/07 Father's Day on the Force 06/17/07 Lessened Overcrowding 06/21/07 Bicyclist Pitstops in Odessa 06/22/07 Passing the Torch 06/26/07 Eddie Guerrero Steps Down 06/30/07 iPhone Hysteria Hits Odessa 06/30/07 Now Hiring Paramedics 07/02/07 Vandals Shoot Out Windows 07/06/07 Investigation Continues into Midland Police Officer 07/12/07 Olympics Heat Up in Dallas 07/16/07 'Faith Night' for Rockhounds, fans 07/19/07 Deputies Investigate Death 07/20/07 It's Black Gold 07/22/07 A Capital Gain 07/26/07 Auto Theft Task Force 07/26/07 Life on the Frontier 08/01/07 Saying Goodbye 08/01/07 'Taking Our Community Back' 08/05/07 Who's Drving the Bus? 08/06/07 Pecos Girl Drowns 08/07/07 Two Die in Wreck 08/07/07 Family Time 08/08/07 Rock the Economy 08/09/07 I Saw the Sign 08/14/07 Wha'cha' Got Cookin'? 08/14/07

Michael Jackson Drawing

Elvis Presley Drawing

The Beatles Drawing

A Few of the Pictures I've Been Working On For Fun

My Newspaper Articles Over the Years

Police Chief Questions Results of Racial Profiling Report 04/03/07 Lost Son a Story of "What Ifs?" 04/04/07 Family Copes With Loss of Son 04/05/07 Mother Released From Hospital 04/06/07 Interstate 20 Pileup 04/10/07 Clean Walking 04/12/07 Family Mum in Fatal Rollover 04/15/07 Keep Trash Off Texas 04/15/07 Looking Back at UT 04/17/07 UTPB Looks at Security 04/17/17 DPS: Mom Will Face Charges 04/20/07 Woman Loses Leg in Accident 04/20/07 Use the Force 04/25/07 Odessans Left High and Wet 05/03/07 Leg Loss Leads to Lifechange 05/08/07 Mom Charged in Fatal Rollover 05/10/07 Man Dies in Hit-and-Run 05/15/07 Honoring Fallen Brothers 05/16/07 Officials Honor 8-year-old Hero For Saving Mom 05/17/07 Standoff Ends 05/17/07 Three's Company at the Drive-in 05/21/07 COPS Don't Need No Stinkin' Badges 05/22/07 Running For Special Olympics 05/24/07 One Mission Accomplished 05/25/07 A Long Way From Mayberry 05/27/07 Memorial Day Remembrances 05/29/07 Bridging Communication 05/30/07 Good For Business 05/30/07 No Problemo For Firefighters 05/30/07 Fire Torches Home 05/31/07 Helping Children Survive 06/01/07 Gunfire Rattles Neighborhood 06/05/07 Strip Club Closed 06/07/07 Men's Club Frustrated 06/08/07 Another One Bites the Dust 06/09/07 Residents Feel the Burn 06/10/07 Running For Cepero 06/10/07 Agencies Identify Communications Problems 06/13/07 Mendoza Fired 06/13/07 'Spider' Back in Odessa 06/15/07 Fatal Accident 06/16/07 Father's Day on the Force 06/17/07 Lessened Overcrowding 06/21/07 Bicyclist Pitstops in Odessa 06/22/07 Passing the Torch 06/26/07 Eddie Guerrero Steps Down 06/30/07 iPhone Hysteria Hits Odessa 06/30/07 Now Hiring Paramedics 07/02/07 Vandals Shoot Out Windows 07/06/07 Investigation Continues into Midland Police Officer 07/12/07 Olympics Heat Up in Dallas 07/16/07 'Faith Night' for Rockhounds, fans 07/19/07 Deputies Investigate Death 07/20/07 It's Black Gold 07/22/07 A Capital Gain 07/26/07 Auto Theft Task Force 07/26/07 Life on the Frontier 08/01/07 Saying Goodbye 08/01/07 'Taking Our Community Back' 08/05/07 Who's Drving the Bus? 08/06/07 Pecos Girl Drowns 08/07/07 Two Die in Wreck 08/07/07 Family Time 08/08/07 Rock the Economy 08/09/07 I Saw the Sign 08/14/07 Wha'cha' Got Cookin'? 08/14/07

A wonderful piece from Hall of Famer Peter Gammons

Hamilton an inspiration in so many ways

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 | Print Entry

NEW YORK -- One of the best things about baseball is that someone else comes along and recreates being the hero. Out of the embers of the Black Sox scandal came Babe Ruth. As a nation regrouped between World War II and the Korean War, Jackie Robinson bravely changed the face of sports and American society.

After the strike that canceled the 1994 World Series and led to the coldest winter, along came Cal Ripken, the dignity and might of the Joe Torre/Derek Jeter/Mariano Rivera Yankees, and then the summer of '98 with Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. And when that entire era went to black and the waste depository of the BALCO and aging clinics, Jose Canseco and gopher slimeballs reached the desk of George Mitchell and millions wondered if they could ever trust the sport again. There were 55,000 people at Yankee Stadium on Monday night -- most of whom knew less about Josh Hamilton than Darrell Rasner -- chanting Hamilton's name and rooting for a new hero.

Every revelation about Roger Clemens' past and every "collusion" noise that comes out of some parrot's beak has emphasized the need to move forward. That is why no team has signed Barry Bonds, who can still impact any lineup -- owners and general managers understandably don't want to talk about the past. They want to try to move on into an era with drug testing, in whatever form the morphed sport takes.

Two months ago, a general manager said we are watching the unfurling of two dramas we have never before seen in our lifetime, and may never see again. One is Rick Ankiel, who has played less than two years as a position player and is so good a center fielder and everyday player that he certainly could have been here for the All-Star Game, what with 20 homers, 50 RBIs, an .880 OPS and the defensive show he has put on in center field. To overcome his pitching nightmare of the 2000 playoffs, then after six years to become a hitter, and then overcome a blown-out knee … few players are better inspiration for the capacity to never back down or give up.

By now, Hamilton's story of overcoming demons is two blocks from Hollywood. Oh, it's easy to give it a Nancy Reagan "he made a choice" and so on and so on and so on and so on, but the fact is that millions of people in this country get addicted to drugs and ruin their lives. Hamilton beat his demons and is a hero for millions trying to fight back. Steve Buckley wrote about one such person in this morning's Boston Herald, a pitcher from Peabody, Mass., named Jeff Allison, a one-time Marlins No. 1 draft pick whose life landed in the breakdown lane, out of baseball; he nearly died. A month ago, Allison made the Florida State League All-Star team, and while his comeback is a work in progress, he is pitching and living and succeeding, and when Buckley talked to him about Hamilton, Allison credited Hamilton with being his role model and inspiration.

Long after Yankee Stadium had emptied Monday night, Hamilton sat in front of his locker, answering to everything past and present and future. Told about Allison's story, Hamilton said, "I have heard of him, I'd like to be in touch. I hope I meet him. I hope I hit against him one day."

Our heroes can be flawed. The Babe certainly was. Hamilton never stops reminding us that he, too, is flawed and that he's not ashamed to admit it and never will stop fighting.

Josh Hamilton turned the page in his life, and Monday night he helped baseball begin the long, dry healing process of turning the page on the Dark Ages.

Baseball is not about corporate boxes and extracting licensing pennies from poor kids or taxpayer dollars donated to construct ballparks to help billionaires make millions. It is about Babe Ruth changing the sports culture, Jackie Robinson changing America and Cal Ripken changing lives. Baseball has always been able to turn the page because of someone and something always grew up out of the rubble, and Josh Hamilton began the process of turning the page on Monday night.

It is unbelievable what he has done, and now the nation knows it. Hamilton matters and when we saw his friends like Milton Bradley, Ian Kinsler and Michael Young embrace the moment and the future, we saw the awe and the appreciation in their eyes.

These are not the best of times in America, but we look at baseball and see Ankiel. We see what Jose Reyes and Hanley Ramirez have overcome to reach stardom. We see an Athletics pitcher named Brad Ziegler come back from two fractured skulls and take a run at the record for most shutout innings to begin a career. And then we watch 55,000 New Yorkers standing and chanting Josh Hamilton's name. We are reminded that baseball can help us remember what we stand for, not against, what we believe, not what we fear, and that while we learn from the past, what we all want is to open the door to the future.